4 Mindset Shifts to Help You Stop Self Sabotaging + Start Living Your Dream Life

by Quay

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Let me ask ya something.

How long have you been holding out on your dreams? How many days have you spent dreaming of your ideal life? Your ideal partner, career, or fulfilling genuine friendships? Only to find yourself stuck in a meaningless relationship, a job you hate, or a home environment you despise. Sister, how many times have you settled because of fear? Fear of the unknown, fear of success, fear of failure.

I bet you are wondering… How Can I Stop Self Sabotaging

Allow me to share a quote that inspired a shift in my life.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small Does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel unsure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
As we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people
Permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson

So, I have to know…

What fires you up; making your heart thirst like a dog in the heat? What fills you with hope, joy, inspiration? is there a lingering dream you can’t seem to escape? What, my dear is holding you back from kicking life’s ass and living your dream life?

Look, I get it you are totally comfortable with life the way it is. You aren’t interested in the challenges that may come with chasing after the life of your dreams. You’re worried. You don’t want to end the relationship that should have ended years ago; because of fear of being “alone”. You aren’t interested in pursuing that big promotion for fear of failure. You’re afraid to start the blog, record the podcast, create that YouTube channel; because of fear of judgment from strangers on the internet, friends, family, colleagues. I am telling you from a place of love I get it. Right now, you are in a safe place, it’s cozy and warm there, there aren’t worries or fear.

Please allow me to say this one thing. If you don’t make a change now you will find yourself in the same space five years from now wondering what life would have been like if you had only tried. Life is an extremely long time to not be in love with every aspect of it. With all that being said, here is how you get off the hamster wheel and stop self-sabotage.

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1. Know That You Are Worthy of Living In Abundance

 Your dreams are valid they hold meaning. These things wouldn’t call you if you couldn’t hold it in your hands. Knowing you are abundant and wishing you were abundant are two very different things. Before I discovered the correct way to manifest, I found myself lost in the future constantly wishing I had the car, the job, the money, the resources. Things only started to pivot for me when I began to realize that all that I desire is already within me. Here is how this works

  • Know that you deserve good in all ways
  • Express extreme gratitude for what already is. (You can’t create a new life without being grateful for the one you already have).
  • Speak in the present tense when cultivating your dream life. Say I am so happy and grateful that I have finally bought my dream home. I am so happy and grateful for $10,000.00 in passive income. I am so happy and grateful for my health and my bodies ability to heal and protect me. Etc. speaking in the passive voice or future tense will constantly leave you and your dreams just out of each other’s reach.
  • Inner work is 10x more important than outer work. What I mean by this is we have been taught that to gain anything in life there has to be some huge power struggle, sleepless nights, and huge letdowns. This is not the case. God, the universe, the creator wants to see you happy and thriving. So, do the inner work journal daily, affirm your beliefs, pray, meditate, visualize, believe, believe, believe. The mind is a powerful thing.
  • Remember to release your grip a bit. I mean to become as clear as possible of your vision, but release control over the way it will come to you. God has this way of creating a magical serendipitous circumstance that you never could have dreamt up on your own. So, sit back and remain open to receive.

If you found this little snippet helpful, please check out my article How to Use the Law of Attraction to Get Anything You Want. Also, if you have not read Money and The Law of attraction by Esther and Jerry Hicks I highly recommend. You can purchase that here.

2. Stop Negative Self Talk

We are all guilty of this, but it is only when we become aware of the negative thoughts can we begin to acknowledge them and change our way of thinking. How many times have you looked at yourself in the mirror with disgust and thought, “I am the ugliest Bitch in the room”?  Hahaha just kidding Hehe. I really hope you don’t have thoughts like this. If you do, we have some work to do.

 Negative self-talk is more along the lines of things you wholeheartedly believe about yourself. Let’s say you constantly express to friends and family how tired you are. You say things like, “I am always so tired.” “I can’t go for that jog because I am too tired.” I can’t cook a healthy dinner because I am tired.” Do you get it? What you think is what you become; what you become is what you attract into your reality. Even if you are feeling tired, we must find a way to change the statement into something positive and uplifting. Say things like, “I am so happy that I had enough energy to get through the workday today, now I will spend the rest of the day practicing self-care because lord knows I deserve it.” You see an easy fix.

3. Stop Self Limiting Beliefs

This is a big one because many of us do not realize our limiting beliefs. It wasn’t until I read the book You Are A Bad Ass by Jen Sincero that there was such a thing as limiting beliefs, and then I found myself awestruck. I thought to myself, “Holly Fucking Shit! I totally have limiting beliefs when it comes to men.”

Hmm Hmm so sorry guys this is an aspect of myself that has taken such a long time to heal. For years I wondered why I struggled in relationships. I watched my sister thrive in a loving relationship built from the ground up. Forget high school sweethearts my sister and her husband are 5th-grade playground crushes, and here I am in my mid-20s still attracting the same guy. The stoner, the lazy pos, the cheater, manipulator, the ones who lack ambition. It honestly goes on and on and on.

Here’s why. I seriously with all of my heart and soul believed that all men were the same. I believed that they all cheat. They all lie. They all will break my heart. I believed this and no one could change my mind. I mean to be fair the first man who was ever supposed to love me broke my heart (yup, another female with daddy issues). Yet, this is not an excuse I wish I had been open to love and healing. Instead, I was hard from years of heartbreak. Needless to say, after I read the book You Are A Bad Ass I made some serous shifts in my life. I affirmed repeatedly,

I am worthy of a soul mate relationship

I deserve love in all ways

I forgive any man who has ever hurt me

Having a loving companion is one of the best things in my life. I am so happy and grateful for this relationship built on love, trust, and communication.

Sooner rather than later my baby floated into my life and love smacked into me like a ton of brinks. We have been together for four years and we are expecting our very first child. I am so incredibly grateful for this very special man. Comment down below if you would love an article on healing past traumas.

Examples of other self-limiting beliefs

  • The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. (My love you are blocking your money flow with this one.)
  • It takes lots of hard work and determination to be successful in life.
  • I’m too old to live my dreams
  • I can’t start, I’m not ready
  • I’m not smart enough
  • I’m not pretty enough
  • Getting my hopes up always leads to disappointment
  • It’s too late for me to find happiness and success
  • My life is just hard and a struggle
  • Happiness will come when my circumstances change (be happy now)

4. View It As Your Responsibility to Rise

I carried a tremendous amount of guilt when it came to me and my desires. I thought to myself I don’t deserve that; there are so many people out there starving wishing they have what I have now. Why can’t I find contentment with what I have already? I thought that my dreams were to lavish, far too materialistic, and in all honesty bougie.

I find this to be extremely up surd. Although, I live an extremely blessed life after all I have running water, a roof over my head, and food in my belly. I needed to know that it was okay to want more. To desire freedom, love, and happiness on every level of my life. This required a major mindset shift. I decided that I needed to show up in the world and that it is totally okay for me to speak my truth, use my natural gifts and talents, and pursue everything I desire. I decided to show up for myself every day as the healthiest, happiest version of myself.  Little did I know this would lead to the greatest level of fulfillment. It required dreaming, it required an environment that not only made me feel good on the outside but on the inside as well.

The way we choose to show up in the world is very important. I wanted to be of service; to offer healing loving energy to the world. I wanted to use my natural empathic abilities to offer others comfort, save the planet and her animals all by eating and promoting a plant-based lifestyle. I wanted to educate myself on nutrition and the impact it has on our health as a whole, not only physically, but mentally and spiritually as well.

So, I signed up for the Institute For Integrative Nutrition. I cannot put into words how this school impacted my life in so many positive ways. If you are interested in becoming a Holistic Health Coach, healing your mind, body, and spirit, as well as coaching others to do the same click the link here to learn how I became a Holistic Health Coach and how you can too. Also, Don’t miss out on a free sample class here. If You decide to take the leap and enroll remember to mention my name Quayshawna Willis and receive an awesome discount.

“You must become the change you wish to see in the world.”

Mahatma Ghandhi

Long story short go after the person you dream of becoming. I promise there is a future you out there begging to be discovered. Allow yourself to become as free as the moon’s rays on a summer’s night.

Never dim your light.

 You desire what you desire for a reason. It is an intricate part of your purpose here on this planet. Keep the faith and allow the beauty of life to surround you. I promise it is so much easier to show up as the full version of yourself instead of a carbon copy. Become a shining light of inspiration for others. Share your journey, share your triumphs, allow your light to shine bright.

“What you seek is also seeking you”


Thank You so much for reading. I hope these simple mindset shifts increase the positivity and happiness in your life. Stay on the lookout for a future post like this. May you have peace and as always Honor the Goddess Within.

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